I was THIS close to finally getting to the acceptance stage of my grieving and "closing the door" on all those sleepless & beyond depressing nights.
UNTIL.
I get home from Australia late the other night.
Drew was AMAZING and looked after the girls while I was gone.
Now Chloe being 2 and not ever knowing her real Daddy, having Drew there looking after her 24/7 she must have thought that he was her Daddy.
As we were all saying our goodbyes to Drew to let him go and get some quiet time cause god did he need it.
Chloe says "Bye Daddy, I Love You"
Well. . .
It wasn't only my heart that broke, Lily went completely beside herself. Screaming at Chloe anything she could think of. "HE IS NOT OUR DADDY CHLOE AND NEVER WILL BE!!! WE DON'T HAVE A DADDY ANYMORE HE IS IN HEAVEN NOW. HE WILL NEVER BE HERE, EVER AGAIN" In a complete rage for a good 40 minutes until she was so tired she passed out on the living room floor.
I couldn't believe the things she was saying but then I also cannot get angry at her for it because in all reality it is the truth.
Chloe was so completely terrified of Lily that for the rest of the night & the next day she would grip me so tight whenever we went near her and freaked out.
Not only was it Lily & I that was hurt, but also Drew.
He was so "shocked" that he really didn't know what to do at all. He ended up staying the night & looked after Chloe because he was the only person that could get her calm and to sleep ( it was the sweetest thing ever, Chloe had fallen asleep on his chest like a little baby would)
The scariest thing though?
When Drew & I were lying in bed he told me "Babe, I don't expect the girls to call me Daddy, but I DO want to be there for them as if I am there Dad. I want to be with you forever & you being away & me looking after the girls had me thinking to myself how much I need you in my life."
NO he didn't pop the question but it got me questioning myself. Am I ready for this?
It's just one of those things that in a normal situation it wouldn't be SO big as it is in mine.
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I don't get on blogger much anymore, but I was on tonight, and this was in my feed. So I caught up on your blog. I am glad you have found someone to help ease a bit of the heartache. I admire your strength. And I enjoy your posts. You're in my thoughts, and I hope things continue to get better and easier.
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