it's one of those nights

when all I want to be is forever in his arms.
when all I want to do is go to sleep and never want to wake up.
when all I can do is think about you and cry my absolute heart out to the point where I can't sleep on my pillow because it is absolutely soaked with my tears.
when all I want is one kiss, one more picture, one more moment, with you.
when all I need is your voice in my ear telling me everything is going to be just fine babe.
when all my kids need is a father to love them and teach them all the things a father can.
when all I want to do is kill George Bush.
when I can't even breathe properly because you make me cry just so much.


none of this is ever going to happen because you are not here T.
The love of my life is out of my sight, my touch and my reach.

Mommy, can you tuck me into bed like Daddy did?

*heart breaks in two*

Effects.

The effects of Trey's death on Lily these past few months are just absolutely devostating.


Just recently we were at the store and Lily saw a man that looked insanely like T, I tried to detour so that Lily wouldn't see him, but she did. Her face lit up almost instantly she ran up to him screaming Daddy, Daddy. He turned around and in that split second her face went from excited to shocked, scared and then absolutely shattered.
I had to abandon the shop all together because she was so upset, screaming and hyperventilating to all hours of the night screaming for her beloved Dada!

She often wakes up in the middle of the night, at least once a week. Screaming for him and just telling me that she wished he was here with her. On special events she knows her Dad should be with her and say "Mommy, I wish Daddy could be here to see me"


The worst part about the whole situation is not that I have lost my husband, it's that my children now do not have a father. A man that Lily has loved and adored since the day she was born, the day she came into this world she had him wrapped around her little finger! I also feel so bad that Chloe will never know how great her Dad was, never fall in love the way Lily did and I just feel terrible!

I just want my girls to have their Daddy back.

Briefing.

So my 1st blog, thought I should tell you all about my amazing family :)

My Fallen Soldier.

The most amazing man to ever come in to my life, in love for our teenage years. Married as soon as we could and started our family soon after!

Feb 16 2008, I got the worst news a mother and wife can recieve! My husband was killed whilst fighting for our country! Every single day is a nightmare and I just want him by my side but I have to keep going for our kids.

Lily - My First Born.

5 going on 15. The sweetest girl you could find on this planet but a diva if you piss her off!

My little caretaker, always looking after her Mommy when i'm not in any mood to be doing anything. Too smart for her own good but I wouldn't have her any other way! She loves her fashion and that her little sister is now old enough to play properly with her.

Chloe - My Baby

My little ball of love, all Chloe loves doing is to be with her Mommy all day long, she is my little sidekick. Where ever you see me always know Chloe is right behind me. She is so much like her Daddy and I truly believe that Trey sent her to me to look after me.