another one of those times.

its another night.
its 5 30 am, and i can't sleep and haven't slept more then 2 hours in the past 4 days.
im drained, completely empty.
at the bottom of the barrel and just want to scream HELP!
all i keep doing is look back on the last 2 years and say why?

why has this happened?
why me?
why trey?
why doesn't anyone understand?

of all the pain im in, i keep imagining the pain trey was in the day everything happened and it kills me.
the love of my life, fighting for his life, trying to fight for his children and his country and then finally taking his last breath.
in a crazy country, alone.

i do NOT want to be in this, and im ready for the journey to be over.
everyone says "oh it takes time to grieve"
2 f**king years and i still feel the same the day i found out.
im over feeling like i want to vomit 24/7 and having that constant headache from always crying and always having 5 milion things running through my head all about 1 person. my kids always asking, where's daddy? or Chloe calling her Uncle, Daddy because he isn't here. Those little things that are absolutely heartbreaking for a mom.

Trey needs to come back to me and thats the only way i will ever get over this, he is just never going to be able to get out of my head.