its another night.
its 5 30 am, and i can't sleep and haven't slept more then 2 hours in the past 4 days.
im drained, completely empty.
at the bottom of the barrel and just want to scream HELP!
all i keep doing is look back on the last 2 years and say why?
why has this happened?
why me?
why trey?
why doesn't anyone understand?
of all the pain im in, i keep imagining the pain trey was in the day everything happened and it kills me.
the love of my life, fighting for his life, trying to fight for his children and his country and then finally taking his last breath.
in a crazy country, alone.
i do NOT want to be in this, and im ready for the journey to be over.
everyone says "oh it takes time to grieve"
2 f**king years and i still feel the same the day i found out.
im over feeling like i want to vomit 24/7 and having that constant headache from always crying and always having 5 milion things running through my head all about 1 person. my kids always asking, where's daddy? or Chloe calling her Uncle, Daddy because he isn't here. Those little things that are absolutely heartbreaking for a mom.
Trey needs to come back to me and thats the only way i will ever get over this, he is just never going to be able to get out of my head.
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You told me I'm strong but I'm not. YOU are strong. Honestly you're doing so much better than I think I ever could. I try to think of myself in your position and it makes me cry and want to scream. I cannot ever imagine the feeling. It's just truly horrible and heartbreaking. You get out of bed and you live for those babies though. I try to think if I would have the strength and courage to do that and I'm not sure I would.
ReplyDeleteI don't know how you'll ever get over it but I hope and pray that you can. Like I said, I can't imagine the pain and hurt and I'm not sure how I could go through that. I don't think you're ever going to be okay but I hope that sometime you can feel somewhat better.
I'm thinking of you. (((hugs)))
I'm so sorry for all your going through. I can only imagine how hard your life must be from day to day. Your posts about your sweet Lily break my heart too. I am glad that Chloe reminds you so much of Trey. I am sure that he did send her to watch over you!
ReplyDeleteThank you. Thank you for the service that Trey provided to our country. I know a thank you will never be enough, but I want you to know that me and my husband are grateful that he was willing to go fight for us and all the other families in America. I only wish he had been able to return to your and your precious daughters.
Much love. (And nice to "meet" you.)