i need to come to grips with the fact that i will never see you again.

everytime i see someone count down the days till their husbands come home from deployment my heart breaks a little more.

mandatory.

So I haven't posted a blog since a lifetime ago.
Not much really happens at all, eat, school, sleep and repeat. everyday.
I have been having a terrible time lately.
I feel like everything is falling apart when really i have everything i need.
Except that one thing of course. Him.
People can't even say his name around me without me running and locking myself in my room for the rest of the day. Well okay not the rest of the day but until the girls come to my rescue.
Fact of the matter is
I want my other half back. It's not a want it's a full blown need that i throw tantrums over worse then my kids.

JUST. COME. BACK.

Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up in the air
I know I can count on you
Sometimes I feel like saying "Lord I just don't care"
But you've got the love I need To see me through

Sometimes it seems that the going is just too rough
And things go wrong no matter what I do
Now and then it seems that life is just too much
But you've got the love I need to see me through

It's Amazing.

how a little person can go from this



to this















Mommy loves you Chloe!
<3

so i never really update this blog cause i feel like i am constantly sounding like a whiney 2 year old but i guess thats my life now.
a depressed, whiney, boring 23 year old mom.
but in all reality, i am everything above and really nothing else.
i have wet eyes at least 22 hours of the 24 there is in a day.
i rarely smile and its only because my six year old tells me to, "Mommy, PLEASE smile" what six year old should have to tell their mom that?

i would love to be happy, but i feel like im going to be stuck in this for the rest of my life.

people say move on? find a new man, that could help!
i have a man and i still feel like i am cheating every time i am with him.

i also have the most supportive friends in the world and it doesn't do much either.

just everything is so sucky 24/7








Trey, I love you with all my heart.
PLEASE come back soon.
I can't do this much longer.

my heart just shattered into a million pieces!

Mommy?

Yes baby.

"At school today my teacher said we should always tell you that we love you."

oh did they?

"uh-uh so i want to tell you that I love with you my whole heart"

i love you too baby, more then you will ever know.

"well mommy, can I tell you something?"

sure.

"I used to love you with just half my heart when daddy was here, half for you, half for daddy. but he isn't here anymore so you have my whole heart"