Aussie Spirit

Get your reading glasses out.

After our devastating news about our baby we decided to get out of the "hole" we seemed to be stuck in.
So we flew to .....
AUSTRALIA!

I love this country more then words can explain & one of my bestest friends lives here so we thought why not? Honestly, it has done exactly what we wanted it to.

We have been so busy that we haven't had time to stop & process everything, which some might think isn't a good idea but I don't want to do anything but enjoy my family right now & relish this absolutely gorgeous country, during it's summertime while we have freezing temperatures at home along with inches and inches of snow!

We were in Sydney for a while before we travelled up to Queensland to take the girls to the amusement parks. My best friend's Mom let us 4 stay with her & after a couple days there with lots and lots of rain, all of us on flood watch. We all helped pack up the most precious belongings in the house & moved them to higher untouchable ground.

2 days after we finished up with packing we were told to evacuate, we were all ready for it as hard it was going to be. We went to an evacuation center to stick out the floods, we stayed there for a few days till it was safe to return to the house.

The WHOLE house was flooded, a two story home demolished by Mother Nature's fury. But you know what these Aussies are STILL smiling after all this because they know that everything will be okay for them. Something that us Americans wouldn't be feeling like.

Remember Katrina? The mess that was left there for months & months without any help. Well you should see how amazing this country works. People are already re-building their houses. This clean-up will be over by the end of the year & it some areas already looks like it's been finished up. Everybody helps everybody out, there are thousands of volunteers that are lending their hands out to everyone. A Mud Army coming from every inch of the country to help, People donating from their own back pockets, donating their own personal items to help someone else.

This would NEVER happen in America & it really is truly devastating. Everyone always talks about the Aussie spirit and how wonderful the people are down here but you really can't describe it until you are here in a situation like this and feel it for yourself.

Biggest thing I've learnt this week is that life does go on, tragedy happens but the world doesn't stop. Such an emotional week & journey I'm actually feeling blessed to have been a part of.

I never want to leave this place and all the beautiful people that I have come across & made life friends from. It's going to be tough but we have commitments at home & we need to get Lily back to school.

Until the next time I remember to write to you mr. blog

Krystal & Co.

bye bye baby.

Christmas

"I can't believe it's Christmas time again" They phrase we all say as soon as Turkey Day rolls around.

But honestly, WHERE does the time go??

I am absolutely refusing to let the holiday season get me down this year.

Chloe totally understands what Santa is all about now & asks every night before bed if it's tonight that he's coming. Lily is just as excited aswell, she writes a letter every afternoon when she gets home from school telling her if she was bad or good and to tell you what, she has been an absolute PERFECT child. She knows Santa won't give her the My Little Pony toys she has been asking for if she's naughty!!

Christmas 2008







Christmas 2009










We Have News. . . . .

Drew & I are expecting an addition to the family! After numerous pregnancy tests and lots of tears & excitement from D & myself we went to the doctor on Tuesday and found I was 8 weeks along!! :)

I was ALMOST ready.

I was THIS close to finally getting to the acceptance stage of my grieving and "closing the door" on all those sleepless & beyond depressing nights.
UNTIL.
I get home from Australia late the other night.
Drew was AMAZING and looked after the girls while I was gone.

Now Chloe being 2 and not ever knowing her real Daddy, having Drew there looking after her 24/7 she must have thought that he was her Daddy.
As we were all saying our goodbyes to Drew to let him go and get some quiet time cause god did he need it.
Chloe says "Bye Daddy, I Love You"

Well. . .
It wasn't only my heart that broke, Lily went completely beside herself. Screaming at Chloe anything she could think of. "HE IS NOT OUR DADDY CHLOE AND NEVER WILL BE!!! WE DON'T HAVE A DADDY ANYMORE HE IS IN HEAVEN NOW. HE WILL NEVER BE HERE, EVER AGAIN" In a complete rage for a good 40 minutes until she was so tired she passed out on the living room floor.

I couldn't believe the things she was saying but then I also cannot get angry at her for it because in all reality it is the truth.
Chloe was so completely terrified of Lily that for the rest of the night & the next day she would grip me so tight whenever we went near her and freaked out.

Not only was it Lily & I that was hurt, but also Drew.
He was so "shocked" that he really didn't know what to do at all. He ended up staying the night & looked after Chloe because he was the only person that could get her calm and to sleep ( it was the sweetest thing ever, Chloe had fallen asleep on his chest like a little baby would)

The scariest thing though?
When Drew & I were lying in bed he told me "Babe, I don't expect the girls to call me Daddy, but I DO want to be there for them as if I am there Dad. I want to be with you forever & you being away & me looking after the girls had me thinking to myself how much I need you in my life."
NO he didn't pop the question but it got me questioning myself. Am I ready for this?

It's just one of those things that in a normal situation it wouldn't be SO big as it is in mine.

If this day didn't happen nine years ago today my husband would still be here with our girls outside playing soaking up as much sun before winter really hits.
He would still be here with . . . . me.

i need to come to grips with the fact that i will never see you again.

everytime i see someone count down the days till their husbands come home from deployment my heart breaks a little more.